Monday, October 8, 2012

File Transfer


For the first time since I'd become the Devil, I actually felt like I was in charge.  This was because I was now dealing with fresh-off-the-boat humans.  They had no idea that I was a new ruler of the Underworld.  They had no idea that I was busy fighting off numerous usurpers and insurgents.  They had no idea that I was really just a 17-year-old kid in a devil suit.  I could tell as soon as each of them walked fearfully into my office that I scared the shit out of them. 

This was a feeling I relished.  I finally felt in control.  I felt unchallenged.  I felt strong.  I felt awesome.

I'd instructed Winston to send me the files for the twenty most physically fit humans in my massive waiting room.  He'd breathed a loud sigh over the phone and asked "Hard copy or soft copy?" with his usual lifeless tone. 

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"Do you want me to print them out, or can I just email them?"

I imagined myself lifting up a bulging manila file folder, and flipping menacingly through the pages while inquiring deep into the lives and misdeeds of my twenty candidates.  "Print them out," I said, grinning.

"Very well," he replied.  "I'll have Dramien drop them off in your office in a few minutes."

"Uh, no," I said quickly, before he could hang up.  Dramien didn't like me, and he didn't bother to mask his contempt.  He also went around naked, like most demons, and I didn't feel like seeing his hairy chest or dangling genitalia.  "Bring them yourself."

Winston sighed.  "Really?  You know, I do have work I need to--"

"Email will be fine," I said curtly, and hung up.  I didn't really want to deal with Winston in person, either. 

And that was why, with 30-year-old, recently deceased Joe Stoudt sitting in front of me, I did my best to menacingly scroll through his information on my computer screen.  

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