I did it.
I had successfully teleported to precisely where I'd intended to go--and it was a completely different part of the universe, or maybe part of a different universe. I hadn't just jumped from one location in Hell to another location in Hell--I went all the way back to the house I grew up in.
Astonished at the ease of my success and enthralled by the comfortable environment of my former home, I wandered around the house in awe for a few moments, taking in every detail of my surroundings. Then, slowly, I began to remember my objective. The reason I'd come here.
My family and friends were in danger.
I didn't have a lot of information to go on. All I really knew is that two Low Order Demons had been dispatched to raid my funeral and, I'd assumed, kill the people I cared about.
I briefly wondered what would motivate someone to do that. But then I remembered that demons were personifications of evil and that they all seemed batshit and power hungry to boot. And I didn't want to waste time that I could spend saving my loved ones on worrying about demonic motives.
I searched the house for information about my funeral. I found my obituary and read it hungrily--a very surreal experience. The last paragraph mentioned that my funeral would be held at 11:30 AM on Sunday, March 11th at the Hollis Funeral Home.
Okay, so I knew the time and place, but I had no reference for the time. There seemed to be no real concept of days in Hell (I suddenly realized I hadn't slept since I died) and Gus had said that time moved at a different speed down there. So what day was it?
I looked around helplessly. The calendar on the wall at least told me I was in the right month, but it didn't help with the specific date. I pulled out the cell phone I'd gotten in Hell to check the date there--if it could even be relied on to have the right date for the realm of the living. The whole screen was taken up by an animation of flames. None of the buttons did anything to change it. Maybe my Hell Phone didn't work outside of Hell?
I finally found my dad's laptop open on his desk. I moused over the clock in the corner and it gave me the date--March 11th. My funeral was today.
Actually, my funeral was in less than twenty minutes.