I threw open the door to Exam Room 316. The demon named Reuttiger, seated behind a desk, looked up in surprise. The trembling 40-year-old man sitting in the comically tiny chair in front of him, turned around to stare at me in horror.
I was the devil, sure, but I looked way more pissed than usual. My presence was probably significantly more imposing than usual, too. I enjoyed the fear in his eyes. It made me feel like I was really growing into my role as the King of Hell.
“Did you murder your whole family?” I barked at the man.
“Well,” he stammered pitifully. “I mean, I wouldn’t really say that I murdered them, per se…”
“He did,” Reuttiger clarified. “Yeah, he totally did.”
“Cool,” I said. So I stabbed him in the heart, stepped outside, and closed the door to block out his agonized screams.
Just then, one of the sexy demon-nurses who leads the souls from the waiting room to their exam rooms walked past with human nurse I’d stabbed earlier in tow.
“’Scuse me,” I murmured at the woman. “Real quick, here, lemme just—” and I jabbed her in the side with my knife.
“Dammit!” she shrieked, clutching her bleeding flank. “Again!?”
“The perfect timing couldn’t be ignored,” I explained. The demon-nurse chuckled. “Gotta go!” I said and teleported away. I quickly performed my trick over the lake of fire a second time and then returned to the lake by the campground. Seconds later, I was back in the battlefield, choosing my next test subject.