Monday, November 18, 2013

The Production Line

We had an effective, if macabre, system in place.  The five of us got in a line and proceeded to take turns picking a weapon from the pile, stabbing the murderer, stabbing the nurse, returning the bloodied blade to the crate, and getting back in line.  Our assembly-line production allowed us to quickly expose the assortment of sharp instruments to the blood necessary to imbue them with the power to kill Lucifer’s Firstborn.  For the first hundred stabs or so, I had to use my telekinesis to restrain our victims, but eventually the escape attempts tapered off.  Instead, the nurse just tried running her mouth instead of running with her legs.

“Okay, so this bastard killed his family,” she complained.  “But I was a freaking nurse!  I gave people medicine!  I helped old people poop!  I assisted doctors and surgeons!  I don’t deserve this!”

“Yeah, maybe not,” I said, pulling my knife from her thigh and plunging into the psycho killer’s abdomen. “But you must have done something bad or you wouldn’t have wound up here in the first place.”

“Oh, you know what, you’re right!” she said, feigning a sudden recollection.  “I slept with a married doctor.  One time!  I’m not proud of it, but I don’t think it means I should get stabbed over and over.  Once should be enough.”

“Then look at it this way,” I said.  “You’re doing the same thing now that you did as a nurse.  All these people in Hell are pretty bad off, sure, but if we don’t stop the guy that’s trying to take over, they’ll all be in even deeper shit.  So by letting us stick you with knives a few hundred times, you’re really enabling us, the doctors, to more ably take care of the citizens of the underworld.”

She sat back and threw her hands up in resignation as Torvin slipped a dagger under her rib cage.  “Oh, well, you know, just doing my duty,” she said sarcastically.

“Yeah, me too,” the child-killer piped up hopefully. 

“Shut up, asshole, nobody cares about justifying this to you,” I snapped.


The other occupants of the waiting room looked on in mute horror.

9 comments:

  1. Haha. I could absolutely visualize this scene, and it was morbidly hilarious. I love when Jason snapped at the murderer at the end.

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  2. Heh. Jason doesn't like murderers. He's had bad experiences with them in the past.

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  3. Yes, his dislike is quite understandable. :)

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  4. But jaaason, that kills people.

    Anyways, just found this (threedays ago?) And I like it well enough. Pretty funny, but there are some weak points. Honestly, I'd like to do a rationalist rewrite/fanfiction of this. Like,seriously? Walking when you can teleport? ( trying to hurry to the original scene of the battle) not telefragging Kivra? (cablecar) Not using you telekinesis to add ridic rototional energy to sawblades? Not finding the limits of how small you can get, making telknifes and needles? Not seeing if you can directly manipulate organic matter(clogging arteries), and failing that, overinflating peoples lungs with air? Using the momentum kill(?) of teleportation to his advantage, especially when diving the pit? And don't get me started on his policy of asking questions last. I would have been wondering about the dimensional topography of hell, it's precises dimensions, how deep we actually are, if infinitely deep how the stone supports itself and why we aren't in freefall, and just a bunch of other things. Then I would start thinking about how hell is exactly organised, why the torturing of low level prisoners is so inneficient when hard labor has a net value, how the mechanics of messing with mortal affairs goes, how demon psychology works and where they come from, to find out if they are a product of nature or nurture, and then changing it with either a positive upbringing or a breeding program, then a billion other things that I don't know because I'm not him. And the ineficiency of fighting them hand to hand! Just teleport them to the pit and drop them back down when they climb out!

    sorry for the rant. I just have a couple peeves, that just run away with me sometimes. Anyway, lovely work. Hope to see more!

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    1. Hahaha, clearly you're much more creative and curious than Jason is!

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  5. Enjoying this web serial; gives me something else to read now that Worm has ended! One nitpick: if they were truly doing an "assembly-line production", then each person would have a single task. Person A picks up a blade and hands it to B, who stabs the murder and hands it to C, who stabs the nurse and hands it to D, who puts it in the "finished" box. Each person gets really bored of their job, but they quickly become experts at their simple task. :)

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    1. Ha, yeah, you're right. Mostly I didn't bother to follow the exact definition, but I'd rather just blame the narrator for not paying close enough attention in history class when his teacher was talking about Henry Ford.

      And I need to catch up with Worm. I got so discouraged when I was like six arcs behind and reading slower than it updated!

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    2. Ughhh I don't even want to think about Worm right now. I'm so heartbroken. Both because of the ending, and because it is over. Super excited for Wildbow's next work though.

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    3. Yeah, I read Wildbow's list of possible projects. Lots of variety, but it all sounds good to me.

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