Monday, June 2, 2014

Getting Snippy

I was completely taken aback by my predecessor's hostile response.  "I need information about what's going on," I explained.  "I don't know what to do."

"So you killed yourself?" Conrad said incredulously.  "This is not a motel.  You can't just drop by for a while whenever it's convenient."

"Oh, I'm sorry," I snapped.  "I thought you needed me to do something, so I thought you might want me to have a fucking clue so that I could actually do it.  Which was what again, by the way?"

"Don't get snippy with me, boy," he rebuked.  "Every time you come here, it gets more and more difficult to send you back. If somebody kills you, that's understandable.  But don't go committing hara-kiri every time you want to pop in for afternoon tea."

He tried to inject me again but I swatted the needle away.  I was determined to stand firm despite the hunger and frailty that accompanied my arrival in Heaven. "Since I'm here anyway," I said sternly, "maybe you could shed some light on some things for me."

He was seriously pissed at me.  His nostrils flared and he shook his head like he was trying to clear away the bloodlust.  "There's no time.  You need this injection now or you're of no use to anyone."

"I guess you better tell me something useful pretty quick, then."

He rolled his eyes.  "Fine.  What's on your mind?"

"There's some freaky group of demons running around Hell.  They wear masks and they've kidnapped a couple of my allies and I'm pretty sure they're trying to invade the living realm.  You know anything about them?"

He shook his head.  "Nope.  Now give me your arm."

I backed away from him again.  "No way.  You have to give me more than that!"

"Okay, we'll look into it for you," he sighed.  "Happy?"

"Not really," I said.  "I still don't know what you expect me to do."

He rolled his eyes so hard this time that it actually looked painful.  "We need you to repair the pathways from Hell to Heaven.  But of course that's meaningless to you right now anyway because you don't know what the fuck I'm talking about or why it needs to happen, but let me assure you that the kinds of things you're doing now are laying the groundwork for it, so just keep doing what you're doing, running Hell, gaining control, and protecting the living realm.  Satisfied?  Wonderful.  Here's an injection so you'll go away and leave me alone."

Stunned by his speech, I didn't protest as he plunged the needle into my arm.  A moment later I awoke in Hell.

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