Monday, October 6, 2014

Angel Hair

Now God thought he was being clever. I couldn't help but roll my eyes. 

"I saw that," God said, but he didn't seem offended.

"Okay, so the devil betrayed you and now Hell is sealed off and people don't go to Heaven after they're punished," I summarized impatiently.  "I still don't understand what you need me to do."

"Well, we think we've figured out a spell that can blow the passages back open," God explained.  "It's a pretty complicated one, too, with a whole bunch of different ingredients."

"So you need me to get ingredients for you?" I guessed.  "Like what?"

God frowned as though trying to remember.  "Oh, you know…stuff.  Um, there's some basics, you know, like some human blood, of course, and uh…."  He trailed off, snapping his fingers in Lucifer's direction like that would jog his buddy's memory.

"It's all written down somewhere," Lucifer assured me.

"Some brimstone is involved, of course," God added.  "I don't remember how much, but it's probably not a whole lot."

"Angel hair," Lucifer supplied.

"Angel hair, yes," God agreed.

"Angel hair?" I echoed.  "I guess I would have expected an angel feather or something."

God chuckled.  "Oh, heavens, no!"  He turned to Lucifer.  "Angel feather pasta, can you imagine?"

"Disgusting," Lucifer agreed sagely.

"Wait, you mean angel hair pasta?" I said incredulously.

God busted up laughing, leaning over to wheeze out his glee from his millennia-old lungs. He slammed the tabletop with his fist a few times.

"Oh," I said sarcastically, "you were just messing with me.  Well, you got me!  That was a good one."  I waited for God to recover so we could get the hell on with it.  I even started mentally counting to ten to try and calm myself down.

Lucifer was staring at me somberly.  "It has to be uncooked," he told me.  "Straight out of the box."

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