"I thought you were working with the old devil," I said. "You know, my great grandfather? Isn't he in your little circle or whatever?"
"Definitely," Lucifer nodded. "Conrad was essential. He was the first devil we'd had any kind of positive relationship with in…what…a few hundred years?" He glanced at God for confirmation.
"A long time," God agreed, nodding solemnly. "Long, long time."
"Centuries, at least," Lucifer said.
"Eons," God added.
"Yeah," Lucifer continued. "None of this would have been possible without him. This is the first real shot we've had in…well…you know, eons."
"Long, long time," God repeated earnestly.
I sighed. There was no way to get a straight answer from these people. There was too much hemming and hawing and beating around the bush. I tried to speak calmly. "Okay, I'm not trying to whine about anything, I'm just trying to understand…why couldn't Conrad do it? Why do you still need me?"
"Oh, no, Conrad couldn't do it," God said abruptly. "It would kill him."
"Okay," I replied thinly. "I didn't know that." I paused before asking the question that I wasn't sure I wanted an answer to. "It won't kill me, though, right?"
The two cosmic buddies shared a nervous glance. God cleared is throat. "Well…I don't want to lie to you, Jason," he began. "Luce and I have gone over this very carefully and there is a lot of risk involved. It could kill you."
"But we're pretty sure it won't," Lucifer amended swiftly. "Like, ninety percent sure." He shrugged. "Probably."