"Great," I snapped. "So I just have to whip up this spell and free the billions of souls trapped down in Hell, but first I have to find the door myself? That should be a cakewalk. Do I have any clues to go on? Is it next to that big rock by the other rock? Do I hang a left at the lava and keep going until I hit more lava?"
"Second star to the right and straight on 'til morning!" God said cheerfully.
Lucifer nudged him. "He's actually pissed, brother," he whispered. "You're not helping."
God winced. "Sorry. I thought you were being funny."
I sighed. "Well, this has been an enlightening meeting," I grumbled. What does it say about a god when he seems to have lost control of his own universe?
"Took a bit longer than I expected," Lucifer said with concern, looking around the restaurant for a clock.
God glanced at his calculator wristwatch. "Zounds! Look at the time!"
"What time is it?" Lucifer asked.
"It's almost six! We'd better get going!"
"You have somewhere to be?" I asked dryly, expecting another disappointment.
"It's league night," Lucifer explained, sliding out of the booth and stretching. "We gotta get over to the bowling alley before our team has to forfeit."
"Bowling?" I said. "Seriously? Bowling?"
"It was good to meet you, Jason," God said sincerely, pumping my hand excitedly. "Really, really good. I know you'll do us proud."
"Yeah, knock 'em dead, kid," Lucifer agreed. As an afterthought, he added, "Well...they're already dead, of course, but you know what I mean."
With no warning other than a slight wave, the two of them shimmered brilliantly out of sight. Nobody else in the restaurant seemed fazed by the fact that two celestial beings had just beamed themselves up.
"Good thing you told me how I can contact you in case I have any questions later!" I raged to an empty booth.