Wednesday, October 8, 2014

The Limits of Omnipresence

I blinked.  "What? Seriously?  Pasta is an ingredient in the spell that can open the door to Heaven?"

Lucifer cracked a smile.  "Naw," he said, breaking into a hearty chuckle.  "I tried to keep it going, but I couldn't.  Pasta in the spell would be ridiculous.  Get your head on straight, man!"

I sighed.  "Okay, so if you get me a list, I'll try and get the ingredients."

Lucifer glanced at God before saying slowly, "You can help with that if you want, but the ingredients aren't the main problem.  That's not what we need your help with."

"Then what do you need my help with?" I asked for what felt like the hundredth time.

"The spell has to be worked from both sides of the passage," God explained.  "We need you to do it from the Hell side."

"And you need my help for that?" I asked.

"Unfortunately, yes," he replied, glancing downward.

"But there are two of you," I said.  "Why can't each of you take one side?"  Lucifer and God exchanged a shameful look and I suddenly figured it out.  "Don't tell me," I guessed dryly.  "You're not omnipresent, either."

God shook his head and threw his hands up in exasperation.  "Honestly, I don't even know how that rumor got started."

"You guys can't get into Hell," I said.

"It's been sealed off," Lucifer replied sadly.  "That devil worked a spell beyond what we realized was possible and no creature from Heaven can get in.  You either have to be a dying human or a demon, unless you get a demon to give you a lift."

I scoffed.  "Come on…all these thousands of years and you've never been able to convince a demon to take you to Hell?"

"I did a good job creating their kind," Lucifer said.  "They really don't like us Heaven-folk."

"That's why we need an inside man," God added, pointing at me.  

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